Mariannes Motifs

Earning the Respect of Others

10 Ways To Earn the Respect of Others - by Dumb Little Man

This is an interesting article on how to earn the respect of others. I've actually given this concept a great deal of thought.

I have concluded that there is no way to make other people respect you. Respect is earned, and there's not necessarily any one particular way to earn it. Also, what will gain you the respect of one person won't work on another. (Also, there are some people out there that I don't think live by the same values I do and I might prefer not to have their respect anyway)

In fact, I would posit that there's not point trying to earn other people's respect, only to earn your own respect. If you live a life that is meaningful and "right" to yourself, you will have the respect of the one person who matters the most.

I know that I have the respect of my parents, and that means a lot to me. I definitely respect them.  (My mom, for example, is one of the best money managers and finders of travel deals in the universe.  My dad is one of the smartest people I have ever met also patient, sensitive, and even tempered.)

As far as people I work with, well... I would like to be respected in my field, but I know better than to really worry about it. I just slog along and do the best I can in the circumstances I am in. I generally do my best and try very hard to help the people I work with. And I work with a lot of very smart people so they are pretty demanding - you can't pull a snow job on them. Which is good because another one of my policies I live by is to always tell the truth. Life is too short for me to lie - I am not comfortable doing it and if people expect me to they will be disseminated. I actually think that telling the truth is not a great way to earn respect because a lot of the time people really don't want to hear the truth. And I have also learned that there are ways to sort of avoid over explaining things that can satisfy my need to tell the truth while also allowing me to stay off the hot seat. Leaving out details is ok sometimes...

In conclusion - I am not trying to take over the world, run for public office, or be the head of the office clique. I do my own thing. I am a people pleaser by nature, but time and experience have helped me understand that it is simply not possible to please everyone all the time.

 

As for respect, I respect myself and I respect my family and friends. What comes back to me comes back to me and is appreciated. If not, that's ok too.

School is So Busy Teaching This...

School is So Busy Teaching This
That They Tend To Miss Teaching This


Following Directions
Thinking for Yourself

Sitting Still
The human body needs frequent periods of movement for optimal health.

Coloring Inside the Lines
Creativity

Memorizing
Problem Solving

Getting to Class on Time
It's polite to allow an adequate break time between meetings.

Following The Rules
Having a Love of Learning

Being like everyone else
Treating each kid as an individual.

Competitive Sports
Physical fitness does not always need to be competitive. Think yoga, fitness walking, interval training, aerobics.

How to Pass the Standardized Tests
Teaching just what's on the test can leave huge gaps in curriculum coverage.

How to Memorize Formulas
The real life applications of math. (recipies, shopping, investing)

Each subject on its own
A holistic apporach to observation, record keeping, consideration, and writing skills.

Social studies read out of a book.
Real life skills such as bill paying, budgeting, balancing a checkbook, managing credit or finding cheap insurance.

Science out of a book.
Going outside and observing the natural world around us. Identify the plants, birds and animals in our area. Take samples, observe , make hypotheses from the evidence around you.

Integrity

The word "integrity" stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete). In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character.  - Wikipedia

To me integrity means having the guts to live what you believe.  It means not just taking the easy way out but being true to what you know is right.  Since different people have different ideas about what is right, I guess that means that I could disagree with what a person believes but be able to admit that at least they behave with integrity - living consistently within their own moral worldview.

 

Americans, in general, (and perhaps people the world over) really hate hypocrisy.  We want you to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.  There's nothing worse than, for example, politicians who preach against gay rights, and then get caught with male escorts.  (Yes, that one seems to happen a lot - like their real nature is fighting so hard with their public persona there ends up being a blow up as the two cannot coexist in the same body forever.)

 

It must be very difficult to lead a double life like that.  Many people have had to hide their true selves to the world, for lots of different reasons.  In fact, I would posit that ALL of us hide our true selves to some degree or another.  Modesty and privacy are concepts that are very important in the American ethos.  We strongly feel that there are some things that are personal and no body's business but our own and perhaps the people we are closest to.  Does it go against integrity to keep parts of your life as private as possible?  No, I don't think so. But if you really have to hide important parts of your life (sexual preference, religion, gender, some aspect of your family life) it can be problematic and stressful.

 

Blogging puts me in the public eye, but I do reserve parts of my thoughts and behaviors quite private.  One way I really stress integrity is in the workplace.  I can recall one very pivotal time in my life when I saw something going on at a job that I knew was wrong but I did not say anything.  That experience has haunted me ever since and I have been very careful to work for companies with professional workplaces and attitudes against sexual harrassment.  And I am not afraid to speak up if I see something I think is wrong.  Well maybe a little afraid but sometimes it has to be done.  And sometimes you are the one who has to do it.

Going about your daily business with integrity is the best business insurance you will ever need.

Creativity

When I hear people say they are "not very creative" it makes me a little sad.  I think all human being are creative, but creativity needs to be nurtured, and it doesn't survive in an atmosphere of too many rules, criticism, and negative valuation.  In children, its particularly important to make sure you are helping the kids be creative, not just teaching them to color in the lines, be neat, and follow directions.

In fact true creativity means coloring outside the lines, making your own lines, only using lines, not using lines at all, or all of the above.  Or none of the above. Rules can squelch creativity, but have you ever noticed how rules can also spur on our creative sides?  Contests, for example, done as part of arts and crafts communities can spur on someone to do more work.  Sometimes the very act of following (even arbitrary) rules can make your mind have to bend around the constraints and end up creating something more beautiful.  Think Haiku poems for an example.  The act of following the rules about syllables and subject matter can really get your mind's juices flowing.

I've taken part in knitting community contests, scrapbooking community contests, blog memes, and all sorts of friendly competitions that helped me product some of my best works. I enjoy the camaraderie, the inspiration, and the spark that I get from taking part in contests and events.

So what if you really don't feel creative, or have forgotten how to feel creative?  Try a craft kit, follow a recipe, or use a tutorial or in depth set of instructions.  There's nothing to look down upon for making a craft that someone else designed. The act of creating is still meaningful and the end result is your own work.  After you are good at following the recipe or pattern, then you can branch out and do your own thing.  It's like  a woodworker learning the classical forms and then branching out to make modern furniture.  I like to use a pattern, recipe, or tutorial as a starting off point, then make changes so the final work is my own creation.

There are no arts and craft police!  Do what makes you happy and have fun.  The very act of making art or crafts will help develop the creative part of your mind.  Whether you are painting by the numbers or going wild with your original designs, don't be afraid and just have fun.

88 Important Truths From Raptitude.com

Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

via www.raptitude.com

I came across this interesting list of "important truths" from the raptitude.com blog. Few of these are really revolutionary ideas, but them again good advice seldom is. The proof is in the pudding, i.e. can you actually live by these great truths.

I love to write about life advice (see my life advice in a nutshell) but always keep in mind that free advice is usually worth exactly just what it costs.  And sometimes its best to get a little bit of advice at a time.  When you have a huge list, its too easy to become overwhelmed.

Do you overemphasize happiness?

I think choosing a life that is interesting to us and choosing a life that makes us feel happy are probably very different choices.

via blog.penelopetrunk.com

A couple of blog posts back I wrote about how a lot of people are talking about how to be happier, and I wondered if it might be better to be content.

In the post linked above Penelope Trunk talks about how she would rather be "interested" and have a lot of choices in her life than to be vacuously happy.

Interest. I think her blog is fascinating because so much of what she writes I disagree with. And I always enjoy disagreeing with things. LOL!!!

At this point in my life (and remember I have a chronic illness, 2 rambunctious kids, and a full time stress filled job) I kind of dream of simplicity. Not that I don't love choices, and I really love gathering facts and being an "interested" (if not interesting) person like Ms. Trunk talks about. I do. Simplicity for me is an out of reach goal. My brain is not wired for simplicity. Simplicity takes a kind of discipline that a pack rack like me lacks. But a girl can dream...

Back to the happiness thing. For me my level of happiness is directly related to two things. 1. How clean my house is. and 2. How well I can ignore my perfectionism.

When I am upset about things not being perfect, worrying, and generally obsessing about stuff, then I am not so happy. When I can let it go and enjoy the way things are, imperfect as they are, then I am happy. Actually, now that I think about it, that is pretty simple.

Maybe I can achieve this simplicity thing after all. Especially with the help of my fantastic housekeeper Antonia.

4 Simple Principles of Getting to Completion

If your project has been dragging on, or you’re having problems completing, try simplifying, and stop trying for perfection.

via zenhabits.net

I've written before about the paralysis of perfectionism. When you wait for the perfect time, the perfect setup, the perfect funding, the perfect support, the perfect plan... what ends up getting done is nothing at all.

This post from Zen Habits is good because it adds a few more concepts to the "Just Do It" mentality. For example, kill extra features, keep the scope as simple as possible, and make it public quick.

I like the idea of keeping this simple. It is too easy to become overwhelmed by complexity or a set of tasks that is too large to be accomplished in one step. By taking small steps one at a time it is possible to accomplish some pretty cool stuff.

It's like expecting diet supplements to magically make you lose weight.  Or waiting for the perfect low stress time in your life to start a radical new diet.  The best way to accomplish weight loss is a change of your habits in general, and that takes time.  For example, start by giving up soda.  Then move on to cutting down your portion sizes.  Then add in one r two days of exercise a  week.  You get the idea - don't worry about a perfect plan or going overboard with a strict diet that you can't keep up.  Change one lifestyle feature at a time and see where your small steps can take you.

More Reflections on Sharing Information on the Internet

I just read an article on Huffington Post about how burglers can use information posted on Facebook and Twitter to identify targets for burglary.   It made me think about that old cliche "loose lips sink ships." 

Sometimes people forget that the Internet is, well, public.  Would you walk around wearing a sign that said "I got trashed last night?"  No, then maybe you shouldn't put that in your Facebook status.  Now, I realize tht Facebook does have privacy settings, but once your network has a few people in it, things can get out.

Here are some rules of thumb:

• If you don't want your grandmother, boss, and next door neighbor to know - don't post it on the internet.

• Don't tell the world about your cache of collectable coins, safe full of money, or when you are going to be leavign the house unattended.

• Don't let your kids chat with random people.  Don't let your kids surf without looking over their shoulder.  Teach your kids that if they come across something inappropriate (and chances are they will... just like all of life) just to turn the screen off and come get you.  Or if they are older, just close the window.   Trust goes a long way in parenting.  Curious kids will be curious, but they need to know the safety rules first.   This goes for personal safety and computer safety too. Viruses and malware are very ofter interspersed in with downloads of the more scurrilous types.

• Don't post about work.  If you just leave work out of it, you can't have a problem.  Unless your blog is professional in nature and your employer is aware of it, just leave that stuff out. 

• Don't vent online about your mother in law, sister in law, co-workers, or whoever.  It will get back to them and feelings will be hurt.  Call a friend!

• Do post and share information that can help people.  There is nothing like the good feeling you get when people comment back saying thanks for the information.

• Do blog - it's a wonderful way to express yourself.  The act of writing will help keep your mind sharp and it's wonderful to be able to look back at your blog and see what you were doing and thinking in past times.

• Do research and learn about subjects that interest you.  Again... keeping your mind sharp and making sure your posts are accurate and informative.

• Do take pictures and post them.  My family loves the pictures I post of my kids (yes, they are in fact the cutest kids ever).  Even though there is some risk in posting pics of your kids, it's a risk I calculate and take. 

7 Ways to Save Money

So obviously saving money is more important right now than it has been in a while.  In this post I am going to brainstorm ideas for saving money. 

1.  Bundle services to save money.  Charter Cable is offering some great deals as part of their ongoing black friday special.  One of their deals is cable tv, internet and phone service for under $100 a month and you get a free $150 gift card with a new signup.  They are also doing a limited giveaway of 45 X-Box gaming systems.  

2.  Stay home.  If you don't go anywhere its easier to save money.  Hey, if you got the bundled cable deal you can watch great movies and shows while you are hanging out at home.  And if that gets boring check out the next tip.

3.  Go to the park!  Your local park may have hiking trails, nature watching, a river to watch go by, and all sorts of free fun.

4.  I have been using compact fluorescent light bulbs for years, and am very glad to see they are now available all over the place and in more sizes.  Yes they may cost more in the first place but they last so much longer and are cheaper to run.

5.  Use up your stash.  Whether this is crafting supplies, food in the freezer and pantry, or even entertainment.  Pull out those video games you haven't played in a while.  Cook dinner out of the pantry and freezer, make a project out of stashed scrapbooking supplies or yarn.

6.   Cancel services you don't need.  Not going to the gym?  Not using Netflix?  Cancel those recurring charges.

7.  Rechargeable batteries and charger can save money over regular disposable batteries.  My wireless mouse and keyboard just eat up AA batteries so now I am using the recharables.

 

Simple Automated Online Business

The 70th most popular search on google today is "simple automated online business."  There are folks out there peddling turnkey business opportunities - the compute program does all the work - all you have to do is cash the checks.

Guess what?  If it were that simple the people selling you the software would be doing it themselves, not trying to ge you to buy their magical turnkey solution.

There is no get rich quick scheme.  Getting rich takes time, work, and smarts.  If you have those three things, you too can make money on the internet.  Or for that matter in your local community.  However, starting a business takes more than just writing and cashing checks.  It takes creating a relationship with your customers, and providing a useful service or product.

In this blog, my service is the blog posts I write.  I have have some free patterns, recipes, digital scrapbooking tutorals, and the ever popular holiday coloring pages links.  I put some work into the blog, and in return I get a few dollars worth of ad revenue, and even some Amazon affiliate bucks.  Believe me I am not yet buying my retirement villa in Italy - but I do make $20-$30 a week.  And I think that's pretty cool.  Its $30 more than nothing.  I use the money as my mad money for snagging up good shopping deals. 

SO take it from someone who has tried to take over the world with Internet Entrepeneurship, it is not smooth sailing. There is money to be made but you have to take it step by step.  And you have to have something to say. 

Just like there are no magic weight loss pills that will allow you to lose weight without eating right and exercising, there is no magic automated online business that will bring checks flowing to your door with no work.